Nicole vs. Life
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hippo gnu deer
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
