I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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