Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
