so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
