No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize