please come you make the beer taste better
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
