Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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