he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
