Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
