Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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