you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
