every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
