I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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