What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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