Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
