He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
