Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
