Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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