I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
