Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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