alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize