Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
