I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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