Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
