Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
