Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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