he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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