Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
