3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
