you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
