I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
