People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
