you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
