it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
NoShamevember. You game?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
