I CAN MOONWALK!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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