I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
