I must be too annoying 4 u.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
