The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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