So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There r osticjed everywhere
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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