he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I could fuck to npr.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
