Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
