Screwed.edu
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
