I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the room spins SO much faster in panama
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
