this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
