i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
