Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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