ugly people sure do ruin things
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
