At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
