So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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