eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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