if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize