The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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