we have pet lesbian snakes
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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