I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
