dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
