He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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