Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
how drunk are you?
Several
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
