Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
