she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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