Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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