Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
