Me too!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
