I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
