I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
