Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
