No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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