This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
