I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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