I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize