just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
