imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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