How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
