i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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