nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
