Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
