All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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