I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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