he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
