That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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