Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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