The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize