I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
