Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
