How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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