oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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