I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
