Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
