your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
