Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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