just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
