Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I intend to get homeless drunk
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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