i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
