I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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