Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
