I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize