So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
