I have demons in me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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