You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize