i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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