She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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