We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
