i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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