genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dick very happy bro
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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