Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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