i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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