dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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