I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize