when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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