Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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