If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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