I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
