opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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