just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
