why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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