My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
