I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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