apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
