i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
