My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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