Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
