that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I believe in your delicious
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
