OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
