Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
