Well apparently he's into motor boating.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
