dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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