do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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