I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
40s are totally the cure
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
