nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
