Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
