??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
